moma call the doctor and the dr said...no more monkeys jumping on the bed

Went and saw my nurse practitioner today. She said I was having premature ventricular contractions, and still pre-hypertensive. I had my medicine switched for my lungs, and depression. Was told my artifact on my MRI was actually a very elongated c-6. She concurred that I needed surgery for my neck and is referring me to a cardiologist, and an orthopedic surgeon. She was happy to report that I have lost 9 pounds since the last appointment in Feb.

She said my depression, and heart could be from my thyroid and took blood to check the level. I know it will come back elevated because my carpal tunnel has been very bad lately. I tried to garden, not successfully, and I can not hold a book without switching my only brace from one wrist to the other. I know whinny....Well this is MY blog I can be!

Ben has gum on his paw, My youngest daughter strikes again. My son had his bike stolen. We managed to recover it partially stripped. We have My oldest spreading the word around about locating the boy who took off when he found the cops were coming.

My youngest is sad sad sad Her beloved best friend has gone to California for the summer. Her friend called to say Ben's parents had two more puppies and the teacup one has Ben's markings. The dark colored one is the toy sized. She misses my baby.

My oldest is trying to gather herself together to ask Grandmothers for money towards driving school, and work out a deal for help with a car. She is thinking about her birthday and getting to school. She is trying to be responsible. She is currently looking to get her GED before going to college. Both colleges she has applied to have said she qualifies for substantial grants. She was hoping that she could contribute a little bit of the money toward a car. She is trying hard to be an adult way to soon. The colleges are not close. The GED prep location is not close. She is thinking about how to get herself back and forth. She is trying to save half her paychecks to purchase a car. At the rate she is earning it might be awhile. She knows gas and insurance has to be budgeted.

Grocerys

I have been getting in trouble lately for getting extra's at the grocery store. I have a very hard time getting what I say I am going to get. It has been a hard reality check

Ben strikes again

dumb dog. I am so mad at him. I used a grocery bag and hung it on a drawer while I did dishes today, Stupid Ben manages to tear the bottom of the bag open and enjoyed the trash. I hope the chicken bones go down without a fuss. He seems o.k.

I do not know who thought giving Ben gum was a good idea in hindsight. He really works on the gum as gum. I have not seen a dog actually chewing gum. It is hilarious! Anyways....My oldest has braces so she is not suppose to chew gum but she can not manage to give up this habit. Ben in all his smarts knows this and it is another one of those leave the door open and go for gum instead of that tasty pork chop. He has an excellent memory when food is concerned. Her door does not shut and stay shut. She uses a paint can when she is in her room to keep BEN out. The Smart thing about Ben is he knows like the bathroom door is he can just push it open with a bit of umph, blow right through the door and leave us on the toilet stuck, and shouting for someone to help. Getting back to my point... One day while my oldest was at school Ben mysteriously showed up in front of me with a wet matted bit of fur on his chest. I found it was gum and cut it out. I did not give a second thought to him finding more... Well, again, Ben showed up with more gum stuck on his chest. So fool me once....Now Ben has several spots of uneven chest hair that once looked brilliant. It was my favorite part about him. Oh well.
My youngest came home last week with a homework sheet. We discussed the assignment handed it back. Ben is in a tear up paper phase like babies and magazines. I gave little thought to what he was tearing and eating other than it was paper. My youngest got up and howled Ben ate my homework! It was all I could do to enjoy the moment which she was clearly was not. Her teacher she said would not be happy with her. I said she might get a laugh and she said no, I am supposed to be responsible for my homework. Her father and I giggled.
My youngest again...Had a lollipop on her dresser. Ben managed to somehow get a hold of it and carefully got the wrapper off and sucked on it for a few moments before my youngest came in and watched Ben enjoy her lollipop.

Love part 3

Eternity, the concept seems very overwhelming, Our actions impact our eternity, It is not giving us the green light to go willy nilly living in today without regard to consequence. I know there are souls out there that are lost to eternal damnation . Those souls lack hope, and lack wanting more, Some lack the ability to use self control and think of others rather than themselves. It is a sad loss to think of those souls. When considering eternity it changes values, character, time, and money use. The priorities are refocused. It makes the perceived image of death a new idea of joy rather than focus on the loss. Death is nothing to fear. Death is something to look forward to if the time on earth is well spent working toward eternity.We need to think about the consequences of all impending actions.
There is more to life than just here and now. Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing today and the one thing I should start doing today?

The one thing I should stop doing is feel sorry for myself. To accept that my life is what it is and I choose to make the best of it.
The one thing I should start doing is go to church. My youngest has been hounding me to go and I think I am in a place where I am ready.

LOVE PART 2.A

What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

The driving force of my life is family bond. I love with a force that is stronger than a momma bear. If I feel threatened I come out with a protective growl like no other. I would move mountains for my family, to keep them safe out of harms way. My ability to open my heart and wear it on my sleeve is another force. It hurts me at times. I wish I could hide it a bit better. If I keep my guard up though I am on the offense to keep hurt at bay. I want my driving force to be exactly what it is. I want to be pure of heart. I am not doing enough to simplify life I want to focus on what is most important, Eternity.

Gardening stuff to do

January

• Design your garden or landscape and determine the number of species needed.

February

• Pull out weeds before they get big.
• Clean out bird house, and make repairs.
• Sharpen and clean gardening tools.
• Prune summer flowering shrubs, vines, and crape myrtle.

March

• Its time to sow seeds indoors.
• Remove from cold storage potted bulbs for Easter.
• Rototill the vegetable garden at least two weeks before planting potatoes, peas and asparagus by the end of the month.
• Remove excess straw from strawberry bed. Leave only a light dusting of straw to protect the strawberries from direct contact with the soil.
• Prune butterfly bush.
• Rake away leaves and debris and clear dead plants from beds.
• Plant earliest cool weather crops.
• Prune summer-flowering roses (Spring flowering roses should only be pruned after flowering).
• Mulch perennials.

April

• Mow old annuals and perennials with the mower set high. Leave the roots.
• Plant container grown or balled and burlapped trees and shrubs.
• Spread an inch of compost over the flower garden.
• Divide perennials and grasses.
• Last chance to prune summer roses.
• Paint nail polish on all cut rose canes thicker than a pencil.
• Plant onions, peas, potatoes, parsnips beets, and carrots.
• Prune hydrangea.
• Cut out old gray stems of forsythia after blooming.
• Plant perennials, herbs and less hard cool crops.
• Pinch mums, keeping it three inches high.

May

• Last chance to prune crape myrtle.
• Remove seed heads from tulips, narcissus, and hyacinths.
• Set the lawn mower to at least 3.5 inches to crowd out weeds an improve turf.
• Plant corn, beans, squash, and cucumbers.
• Transplant annuals in the flower and vegetable garden.
• Prune spring bloomers including spring flowering roses, azaleas, rhododendrons, and andromeda, mountain laurel, forsythia, weigela, spirea, viburnum, flowing crab apples, lilacs, and cherry laurel after blooming.
• Plant your full garden after May 10th.
• Pinch your mums, keeping them three inches high. It prevents them from blooming in the summer season, and creates a thicker mum, for fall color.

June

• Dig and divide daffodil bulbs.
• Install drip irrigation.
• Start training tomato plants to grow upright on stakes, or trellises.
• Prune weigela as forsythia.
• Fertilize roses and spray for mildew and black spot.
• Stake plants before they grow to big.
• Pinch your mums to three inches high.

July

• Hand prune, yews, hollies, photinia, juniper, and viburnums.
• dead head herbaceous plants such as delphiniums, and peonies.
• Prune petunias, and nasturtium to keep them flowering.
• Prune hedges wider at the bottom.
• Kill Bermuda grass with Roundup keep edges well trimmed. cut back with an edging iron those that have spread.
• Cut back mint thyme, and lemon balm.
• Water lawn and flowers in the morning to avoid wilting in the heat of the day, and to prevent mildew and root rot during the night.
• Pinch your mums to three inches high no later than July 15th, than do not pinch again. Let grow.

August

• Top-seed lawn to fill in bare spots.

September

• Divide peonies, and iris now for more spring blooms.
• Plant tulip, narcissus, crocus, hyacinths, and grape hyacinths. Do the same in pots for Easter.
• Top-dress lawn with compost at the rate of two cubic yard per 1,000d square feet.
• Start a compost pile using garden waste.
• Plant mums for autumn color.
• Service chain saw.
• Plant daffodils, and crocus for spring flowering.

October

• Mulch azaleas with compost or fertilized them with Holly Tone.
• Rake leaves under shrubs for mulch.
• Use excess leaves in compost. Mix old compost with new, and keep sprinkler working for wet compost.
• Kill bamboo and kudzu with Roundup.
• Make two applications two weeks apart at the recommended concentration.
• Plant pansies and ornamental cabbage for cool weather color.
• Fertilize azaleas and bluegrass or fescue lawns.
• Bring in Terra cotta pots, and bleach them to kill mold and store dry.
• Pinch dead heads of mums.

November

• Plant potted shrubs before they freeze.
• Clean garden with lawn mower.
• Cut back roses with in 18inches of the ground to prevent wind whipping of canes.
• Wet down compost pile weekly.

December

• Cut greens for holidays. an plunge them into a pail of 100 degree water.
• Spray evergreens decoration with two percent solution of horticultural oil or Plant Shine for brighter leaves.
• Move bay laurel plants and trees indoors.
• Force narcissus and amaryllis bulbs indoors.

Places I want to explore and research

Places I want to go and do research for trips

Italy
England
Ireland
Scotland
Spain
France
Netherlands
Tahti
meterrainian coast
Belize
Hawaii
Greece
Russia
Crete
Bermuda
Japan
Peru
Central America
Mexico
Alaska
Louisana
South Carolina
Maine
Treasure Hunting

Love part 2

this is the 2 subsequent post to "Love"

What Drives You?

It can be a painful memory. fear. a belief, or guilt. It could be running from regret and be manipulated by shame. It is products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.

Many people are driven by anger and resentment instead of forgiveness. Rehearsing it over and over in their heads. I, and others have a tendency to blow up and others internalize.

Powerful Words: Resentment


It hurts ourselves more than the offender. Do not hold on to bitterness. The past is the past. that can not change. The hurt holds no power over the offender. It only hurts if us hold onto the pain through resentment.

Fear:

It can be from a traumatic experience, from unrealistic expectations, growing up in a controlling home, or a genetic predisposition. These people miss out on opportunities because of fear. It is a self imposed prison. Use faith and Love to push through fear.

The Need For Approval:


We do not want to let down our parents, teachers, spouses, and peers. The pressure we are worried about is what others think. God says, "no one can serve two masters".

Knowing Your Purpose Gives Meaning To Your Life:
Without God life has no significant purpose or hope. Hope is need to cope. If there is something wanted...there is hope.
Knowing our purpose and living our life with God's plan for us, can simplify our life
What we do and don't do is guided by God's purpose. Use it to evaluate activities. It gives our life a foundation to base decisions, allocate time, and resources. Do activities that matters most. Productivity can be driven without purpose.



Ponder:


What would our family and friends say is the diving force of our life, and what do we want it to be? If everyone understood that life on earth is really a preparation for eternity, how would we act differently? According to the bible we will be sitting in judgement of God. He wants to know of our acceptance of what Jesus did for us, and did we trust him. This will determine where we spend eternity. God wants to know what you did with what God gave us. What we did with our talents, opportunities, and energy. Did we spend them on ourselves and did we use them for the purposes God made for us.
This will determine what we will do for an eternity.

love2

I am reading a fantastic book called a purpose driven life. It is fantastic, and touches on ideals I already apply.

From Love yesterdays post

personality
I am abrupt, have a propensity to be nasty if I am hurt. I am venerable, but confident. I am strong minded, stubborn, and determined. I am loving, kind, and generous, I smoke, and cuss,I am dependant, and independent. I have the wisdom to keep on going when all else fails. Sometimes I do not try hard enough. I am scared and on edge for reasons I have not begun to understand. I feel helpless and unable to help myself because I do not know what I am scare of. I do not know what keeps me going, I do not know where I am going. I feel I have let my children down, by my choices. The pressure on me to change this and have not let it guide me. My mother and father stayed together through it all. I feel there is a reason for enduring this for all. I am unclear of what it is. I love to talk and giggle. I love to be silly, and sincere. I can carry myself with grace and dignity when I have to. I am very nosey. I hate not knowing....
background,
I have struggled with father issues. The manic depression, and health had huge consequences for me. I was a rotten teenager and took advantage of my parents and family. I left in more ways than one. I would get out as much as possible. I made very poor choices at the time without giving a thought to the consequences of my actions, and who it would hurt. I depended on my parents to much. I was 27 by the time my financial dependency was severed. It left me with a constant sensation of impending doom. I do not know why I struggle with this. My fathers death was the worst pain I have felt in my life time. I can not imagine what it will happen when my mother...I can not even . I was not as close to my father as I feel with my mother. Emotionally depend on her. She is my rock. I feel safe with her. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel better, she tells me when I am wrong and makes me think about my errors. I am doing that with my kids. I am trying to show them how to be happy does not mean depending on others for it. After my mom I depended on my husband for my happiness. I will never forget sobbing on the floor for hours uncontrollable, so hurt by him not understanding how he could hurt me so badly. It was in my early 30's.
appearance-
I am about my nose of all things. I am insecure of my thighs, hips, and stomach. I have always even while bigger have lots of comments, interest, and looks by men and women. I know that I can not waste time feeling insecure about my physical flaws and know that my husband likes me the way I am and that men in general do not view me the way I think they do. That was a huge burden I used to carry. My husband taught me that. I was almost ready to pop with my son on an anniversary and was wearing what I called jokingly my tent dress at a restaurant where the bathroom was in the bar. I noticed crossing through that several men were admiring me. I relayed this to my husband and said I did not understand how they could eye me in my tent dress. He looked at me and said the nicest thing I ever heard. 'honey, all men like to go camping'. As funny as it sounds it was the biggest boost my ego ever had from the man who changed my world.

Love

God has a plan for all of us that was created before we were born. He created us deliberately, what our genes are, who our parents are, and what kind of life we have. To much time is spent asking God for favors, and help. Less time should be spent on self-centered ideas. God should not be used as a doormat. He created us out of love. Love is what moves the world. We need to think about what God's plan is for us. Why are we living for ourselves and not God. We should be thinking about our struggles to accept our backgrounds, and personalities, and looks. We should not fear this introspective, and embrace it. We were created with personal struggles to understand what Gods purpose is. How do we see ourselves fitting into the plan. God made us with our flaws intentionally. He wanted us to feel that imperfection as a way to learn to understand and love Gods plan for us. He wants us to see there is a bigger sense of the world. God unquestionably that he loves us all. In return we are to love him and the world back. We are here to love unconditionally all things and beings. The test comes in forgiveness. We are allowed to be angry, not trust, and feel all the negative emotions, on top of the positive emotions. It is to embrace his idea that there is always love, and room to love more. Not just him, but those around you.