What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?
The driving force of my life is family bond. I love with a force that is stronger than a momma bear. If I feel threatened I come out with a protective growl like no other. I would move mountains for my family, to keep them safe out of harms way. My ability to open my heart and wear it on my sleeve is another force. It hurts me at times. I wish I could hide it a bit better. If I keep my guard up though I am on the offense to keep hurt at bay. I want my driving force to be exactly what it is. I want to be pure of heart. I am not doing enough to simplify life I want to focus on what is most important, Eternity.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Friday, June 6, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
love2
I am reading a fantastic book called a purpose driven life. It is fantastic, and touches on ideals I already apply.
From Love yesterdays post
personality
I am abrupt, have a propensity to be nasty if I am hurt. I am venerable, but confident. I am strong minded, stubborn, and determined. I am loving, kind, and generous, I smoke, and cuss,I am dependant, and independent. I have the wisdom to keep on going when all else fails. Sometimes I do not try hard enough. I am scared and on edge for reasons I have not begun to understand. I feel helpless and unable to help myself because I do not know what I am scare of. I do not know what keeps me going, I do not know where I am going. I feel I have let my children down, by my choices. The pressure on me to change this and have not let it guide me. My mother and father stayed together through it all. I feel there is a reason for enduring this for all. I am unclear of what it is. I love to talk and giggle. I love to be silly, and sincere. I can carry myself with grace and dignity when I have to. I am very nosey. I hate not knowing....
background,
I have struggled with father issues. The manic depression, and health had huge consequences for me. I was a rotten teenager and took advantage of my parents and family. I left in more ways than one. I would get out as much as possible. I made very poor choices at the time without giving a thought to the consequences of my actions, and who it would hurt. I depended on my parents to much. I was 27 by the time my financial dependency was severed. It left me with a constant sensation of impending doom. I do not know why I struggle with this. My fathers death was the worst pain I have felt in my life time. I can not imagine what it will happen when my mother...I can not even . I was not as close to my father as I feel with my mother. Emotionally depend on her. She is my rock. I feel safe with her. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel better, she tells me when I am wrong and makes me think about my errors. I am doing that with my kids. I am trying to show them how to be happy does not mean depending on others for it. After my mom I depended on my husband for my happiness. I will never forget sobbing on the floor for hours uncontrollable, so hurt by him not understanding how he could hurt me so badly. It was in my early 30's.
appearance-
I am about my nose of all things. I am insecure of my thighs, hips, and stomach. I have always even while bigger have lots of comments, interest, and looks by men and women. I know that I can not waste time feeling insecure about my physical flaws and know that my husband likes me the way I am and that men in general do not view me the way I think they do. That was a huge burden I used to carry. My husband taught me that. I was almost ready to pop with my son on an anniversary and was wearing what I called jokingly my tent dress at a restaurant where the bathroom was in the bar. I noticed crossing through that several men were admiring me. I relayed this to my husband and said I did not understand how they could eye me in my tent dress. He looked at me and said the nicest thing I ever heard. 'honey, all men like to go camping'. As funny as it sounds it was the biggest boost my ego ever had from the man who changed my world.
From Love yesterdays post
personality
I am abrupt, have a propensity to be nasty if I am hurt. I am venerable, but confident. I am strong minded, stubborn, and determined. I am loving, kind, and generous, I smoke, and cuss,I am dependant, and independent. I have the wisdom to keep on going when all else fails. Sometimes I do not try hard enough. I am scared and on edge for reasons I have not begun to understand. I feel helpless and unable to help myself because I do not know what I am scare of. I do not know what keeps me going, I do not know where I am going. I feel I have let my children down, by my choices. The pressure on me to change this and have not let it guide me. My mother and father stayed together through it all. I feel there is a reason for enduring this for all. I am unclear of what it is. I love to talk and giggle. I love to be silly, and sincere. I can carry myself with grace and dignity when I have to. I am very nosey. I hate not knowing....
background,
I have struggled with father issues. The manic depression, and health had huge consequences for me. I was a rotten teenager and took advantage of my parents and family. I left in more ways than one. I would get out as much as possible. I made very poor choices at the time without giving a thought to the consequences of my actions, and who it would hurt. I depended on my parents to much. I was 27 by the time my financial dependency was severed. It left me with a constant sensation of impending doom. I do not know why I struggle with this. My fathers death was the worst pain I have felt in my life time. I can not imagine what it will happen when my mother...I can not even . I was not as close to my father as I feel with my mother. Emotionally depend on her. She is my rock. I feel safe with her. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel better, she tells me when I am wrong and makes me think about my errors. I am doing that with my kids. I am trying to show them how to be happy does not mean depending on others for it. After my mom I depended on my husband for my happiness. I will never forget sobbing on the floor for hours uncontrollable, so hurt by him not understanding how he could hurt me so badly. It was in my early 30's.
appearance-
I am about my nose of all things. I am insecure of my thighs, hips, and stomach. I have always even while bigger have lots of comments, interest, and looks by men and women. I know that I can not waste time feeling insecure about my physical flaws and know that my husband likes me the way I am and that men in general do not view me the way I think they do. That was a huge burden I used to carry. My husband taught me that. I was almost ready to pop with my son on an anniversary and was wearing what I called jokingly my tent dress at a restaurant where the bathroom was in the bar. I noticed crossing through that several men were admiring me. I relayed this to my husband and said I did not understand how they could eye me in my tent dress. He looked at me and said the nicest thing I ever heard. 'honey, all men like to go camping'. As funny as it sounds it was the biggest boost my ego ever had from the man who changed my world.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Love
God has a plan for all of us that was created before we were born. He created us deliberately, what our genes are, who our parents are, and what kind of life we have. To much time is spent asking God for favors, and help. Less time should be spent on self-centered ideas. God should not be used as a doormat. He created us out of love. Love is what moves the world. We need to think about what God's plan is for us. Why are we living for ourselves and not God. We should be thinking about our struggles to accept our backgrounds, and personalities, and looks. We should not fear this introspective, and embrace it. We were created with personal struggles to understand what Gods purpose is. How do we see ourselves fitting into the plan. God made us with our flaws intentionally. He wanted us to feel that imperfection as a way to learn to understand and love Gods plan for us. He wants us to see there is a bigger sense of the world. God unquestionably that he loves us all. In return we are to love him and the world back. We are here to love unconditionally all things and beings. The test comes in forgiveness. We are allowed to be angry, not trust, and feel all the negative emotions, on top of the positive emotions. It is to embrace his idea that there is always love, and room to love more. Not just him, but those around you.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
marriage
This is my first time blogging. I am starting this
to document our family craziness. We are into laughter. We are surrounded by sadness by many things. We are a strong group of individuals. I want to pass on my wisdom to the kids. I feel as though there is so much to say.
I have been married for 16 years. Together for 20. We met in high school. I have always said that even if you do not have anything left to hang on to in the marriage there is always love. Love does not always mean forgiveness, it means that you can forget, and get past the hurt. We took vows for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and health, till death parts us. These are words of promise. They are taken seriously. Granted they are just words, but put together the words are very powerful. I know most marriage vows are universal in content. Spoken so many times people recite them all the time. It seems to me that people in general take the vows for granted. What do you have if you do not have your word. Your word is your honor. Honor is not given the status it deserves anymore. You do not break promises. Do what you say your going to do. Not just in marriage, but in life.
The current culture on marriage is that it is alright to diorce if things just get hard. To me that is hogwash. I believe that things will always work themselves out given time. Fighting is a working form of communication. If you can get past the tone and insults and listen, not hear (they are two very different words) to the message, and try to respond with understanding what they want, and compromise ( I know that this does not always happen). It may take time, and several fights to have both see the light. Believe me I forget all the time!
I know there are many reasons couples divorce. I am not saying that it is wrong for another individual to divorce. This is my thoughts of the topic. What is right for one does not mean it is right for another.
Three children, a 15 year old girl, 11 year old boy, and a 9 year old girl. I will be writing about a number of topics that will come up as I go, or whatever strikes me. Writing is a form of peace for me.
to document our family craziness. We are into laughter. We are surrounded by sadness by many things. We are a strong group of individuals. I want to pass on my wisdom to the kids. I feel as though there is so much to say.
I have been married for 16 years. Together for 20. We met in high school. I have always said that even if you do not have anything left to hang on to in the marriage there is always love. Love does not always mean forgiveness, it means that you can forget, and get past the hurt. We took vows for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and health, till death parts us. These are words of promise. They are taken seriously. Granted they are just words, but put together the words are very powerful. I know most marriage vows are universal in content. Spoken so many times people recite them all the time. It seems to me that people in general take the vows for granted. What do you have if you do not have your word. Your word is your honor. Honor is not given the status it deserves anymore. You do not break promises. Do what you say your going to do. Not just in marriage, but in life.
The current culture on marriage is that it is alright to diorce if things just get hard. To me that is hogwash. I believe that things will always work themselves out given time. Fighting is a working form of communication. If you can get past the tone and insults and listen, not hear (they are two very different words) to the message, and try to respond with understanding what they want, and compromise ( I know that this does not always happen). It may take time, and several fights to have both see the light. Believe me I forget all the time!
I know there are many reasons couples divorce. I am not saying that it is wrong for another individual to divorce. This is my thoughts of the topic. What is right for one does not mean it is right for another.
Three children, a 15 year old girl, 11 year old boy, and a 9 year old girl. I will be writing about a number of topics that will come up as I go, or whatever strikes me. Writing is a form of peace for me.
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